Reclaiming Manners in Modern Commuting and Communication
Recently, while taking the metro to work, I encountered a jarring moment that left me unsettled. As I approached the gate, a man tapped his card to pay, only for a woman to push past me, cutting in line. Though I made it onto the train, irritation simmered within me. Why did she think her haste trumped my own? We learn patience as children; it seems that lesson has evaporated over time.
I’m not alone in my frustration. A significant number of Americans — nearly half — report that rudeness has surged in the waking world of post-Covid life. Whether it’s an airport meltdown or someone blasting music from their phone, many feel civility has taken a backseat.
The Importance of Manners
Kirsty Sedgman, a professor at the University of Bristol and author of On Being Unreasonable: Breaking the Rules and Making Things Better, stresses the importance of manners in our daily lives. She asserts that good etiquette fosters an awareness of others and helps to avoid antisocial, and potentially dangerous, behaviors. “How can we have these conversations so that we figure out what we all want social life and public space to be like in a way that benefits everybody and doesn’t accidentally exclude anyone?” she told Vox.
While some etiquette rules seem straightforward (like not cutting in line), others have become more complex. Sedgman admits, “I’m not saying that I know how to behave in every single circumstance and I’m always right. I’m no Emily Post.”
Emily Post, the socialite who authored a foundational treatise on etiquette, titled Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics and at Home, first published in 1922, still casts a long shadow. Over a century later, her family continues her work in teaching social behaviors.
Lizzie Post on Modern Etiquette
Lizzie Post, Emily Post’s great-great-granddaughter and co-president of the Emily Post Institute, acknowledges that modern times demand a different approach to social norms. “A lot of times, as long as I don’t get the sense that they would prefer a very formalized version of me, I try to reassure people: laugh, joke, swear, it’s okay,” she says.
Etiquette has transformed alongside societal shifts. Post notes that her great-great-grandmother’s writings reflected changes between 1922 and 1960, adapting to societal swings in behavior. “Etiquette can easily carry connotations of exclusivity or judgment, particularly as society evolves rapidly,” she explains.
Navigating Digital Etiquette
The rise of technology has brought its own unique set of etiquette challenges, particularly concerning phone usage. Many people have adopted lax behaviors like playing music or taking calls on speaker in public, often forgetting their surroundings. “There are definitely rules of courtesy,” Sedgman points out. “Blaring anything out of your phone is inappropriate when other people are a captive audience.”
In an era where personal devices cloud the awareness of social contexts, it’s crucial to navigate these interactions mindfully. “It’s really hard to correct this behavior because generally, we don’t correct other people’s behaviors,” Lizzie Post says, acknowledging the nuances involved.
When to Step In
Many struggle with the dilemma of when to address disruptive phone behaviors in shared spaces. Lizzie states, “It’s a tough judgment call. If I’m in a space I only occupy briefly, I tend to mind my own business. However, in extended contexts like long train rides or flights, it might be worth asking someone to put on headphones.”
She advises a gentle approach, suggesting phrases like, “Could you put some headphones on?” to encourage conscientiousness about others’ comfort. However, she adds a dose of realism: “You cannot control other people’s behavior,” acknowledging that some may react defensively.
Speakerphones and Dining Etiquette
Speaking on etiquette involving speakerphones, Lizzie states, “If you’re in a room with others, it’s essential to let them know you’re on speaker to promote awareness.” Furthermore, regarding mobile devices at the dining table, she reflects, “It is better for your phone to be put away. Having it face-up or at the table can be distracting for all present.”
As technology evolves, so do expectations around timely communications. Lizzie advocates for responsiveness, especially when it comes to invitations or plans. “Don’t let that sit if it’s something you want to treasure,” she advises. “Explain any delays, offering a respectful acknowledgment of the invitation.”
In a world where manners seem increasingly elusive, it’s vital to foster awareness and understanding in our daily interactions. Knowing how to navigate modern etiquette can help us all coexist more harmoniously.
For more insights, listen to the full episode of Explain It to Me, where Lizzie Post delves into these issues further. You can access it here.
Image Credit: www.vox.com
